Jesus and the Buddha made it clear to their followers that life is suffering, and we cannot avoid it. Every person carries pain--it's in a big black bag that gets heavier as we get older, filled with betrayals, rejections, disappointments, and hurts inflicted along the way. We'd better know what to do with all of this, because it will not just go away. Women tend to talk about it, which can turn into gossip or lead to healing. Men are more likely to stuff their pain--or export it to Iraq or wherever today's enemy resides.
If we don't find a way to transform our pain, we will always transmit it to those around us or turn against ourselves. And we'll create tension, negativity, suspicion, and fear wherever we go. Anyone who encourages you to project your pain onto others (Muslims, your family, gays, etc.) or to turn it against yourself has no truth or wisdom to offer. If your religion is not teaching you how to recognize, hold, and transform suffering, it is junk religion.
Richard Rohr, On the Threshold of Transformation